Book Review of 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac

As a longtime participant of the Blogging for Books program and a YA enthusiast, I was thrilled when they announced that they'd be offering new YA titles. 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac is the first such title of which I requested a free copy for the purposes of review. Though I've suffered from anxiety for several years, I've only recently been diagnosed with an Anxiety Disorder, and I chose this selection because the protagonist, Maeve, lives a life ruled by anxiety. I'd never heard of Carrie Mac, so I wanted to see how she dealt with the issue of Mental Health, and what her writing was like in general. I was curious despite the boring and highly off-putting cover design. I truly hate the cover.

Maeve is a sixteen-year-old Lesbian with divorced parents and a severe Anxiety Disorder. When her mom travels abroad for six months, Maeve lives with her dad, pregnant stepmom, and two younger stepbrothers. Her dad struggles with Alcoholism, and her stepmom couldn't be more opposite of the evil stepmother trope. As Maeve meets Salix, a violinist she's interested in and things heat up, they're also building as her stepmom's pregnancy progresses, Maeve's anxiety levels increase, she loses a friend in a very traumatic way, and her dad turns his live over to alcohol once more.

One of the most frustrating things about 10 Things I Can See From Here is that practically every character except Maeve is more well-developed and three dimensional than Maeve herself. Mac seems to confuse constant descriptions of and reminders about Maeve's Anxiety Disorder with character building for Maeve. Though Mac does a great job showing readers who may not be familiar with such things how anxiety and an anxiety attack might manifest, she does a lousy job showing readers who Maeve is, anxiety aside. Thus, the unfortunate underlying message in this book is simple: people with severe Anxiety Disorders are solely comprised of their illness. This is wrong. It is also insulting.

"But, Maeve likes to sketch," you might say. Sure, she does. she sketches as a coping mechanism to deal with her anxiety when she feels it coming on. She doesn't seem to sketch for fun, or out of a particular interest in art. "But, Maeve likes to recite statistics," you might say. Sure, she does, she recites statistics she has memorized about things she has anxiety about, so this is yet another "interest" that is really just connected with her disorder. "But, Maeve likes to make up fake obituaries in her head," you might say. Sure, she does, she makes up fake obituaries in her head because she's imagining the worst case scenario of what might happen if the thing she has anxiety about currently goes as wrong as it can go, and then compiles a fake obituary based upon that scenario for herself, or for someone else involved. So, does Maeve have any interests that are actually hers, and not based in her anxiety? Not according to Carrie Mac.

Another problem I had with 10 Things I Can See From Here can be summed up by the last sentence of jacket copy, talking about Maeve. "Will she be able to find focus through all the chaos to be there for the people she loves?"  In other words, Maeve doesn't deserve to be happy and mentally healthy of her own accord, or for her own well being--she should only strive to keep her Anxiety Disorder in check to fill the roles of daughter, stepdaughter, stepsister, friend, and girlfriend. That is a pretty damaging message to be sending YA readers of a book wherein the protagonist struggles with mental illness, especially about a teenage girl--a demographic who is already pressured by various parts of our society to say "yes" to social demands from every angle and adopt a people-pleasing personality that can be detrimental to mental well being.

Lastly, *spoiler alert* there's a scene very late in the book when Maeve confides in Salix that she was sexually assaulted. Maeve has attempted to maintain a penpal-type of relationship with the girl who sexually assaulted her, and her assailant has apologized to her for the assault. It is unclear if Mac is trying to say that Maeve's severe Anxiety Disorder is a result of her sexual assault, but the way it is dropped in, almost as if it is an afterthought, near the end of the book didn't work at all. There was no foreshadowing that prepared readers for the big reveal of this information. There is no helpful and clear unpacking of these issues during the denouement of the book. It is simply thrown out there, briefly discussed, and then swept back under the rug to get to the happy resolution of the story. As a reader, I find that to be a disturbing way to deal with sexual assault. As an adult reviewing a YA book, I wonder what the negative impact of this type of inclusion might be on teenagers who read 10 Things I Can See From Here. Carrie Mac basically chose to drop sexual assault in as a plot point and did it in the laziest way possible, writing-wise. Here's a link to an old blog article (but still a very relevant one) that explains more about why this is a problem.

In conclusion, I really don't recommend this book to anyone. I find its portrayal of Anxiety Disorders and its handling of sexual assault to be potentially damaging. I think the writing is lazy and the protagonist is shown as being no more than her disorder. To me, this book was a total fail.